someday my pain will mark you
by iamdelilah
Summary: Jefferson apprehensively enters into a relationship with the mysterious Killian Jones. Small town AU. Warnings to come as necessary.
1. Chapter 1

**this is the first thing i've written in a while. i've been absent and dealing with a lot of personal things. plus someone gave me yet another reason never to trust anyone or believe what they say. let me tell you: if someone promises to always be there for you, don't. fucking. believe them. but i digress. let me know what you think.**

Killian meets Jefferson at the laundry mat on a Tuesday night. They first speak when Killian doesn't feel like spending his last bit of pocket change for his hot water load. He glances around for a victim and hears Jefferson humming from across the room as he folds his undershirt. He doesn't look up until Killian speaks.

"Excuse me," Killian murmurs, and he's slightly taken aback when a pair of piercing blue eyes rise to meet his own. "You wouldn't have to have an extra dollar seventy-five, would you?"

Jefferson fights back an eye roll, but in all honesty, Killian is breathtakingly gorgeous. He checks his pockets-mostly for show-before he pulls out seven quarters, extending his hand coyly as he watches the mysterious man with dark features. Killian moves with remarkable pose as his leather boots creak and whine with each step.

They're two feet apart when Killian extends his cupped hand. Jefferson transfers the change and a snarky compliment about Jefferson's soft hands is on the tip of Killian's tongue, but he takes pity on the doe-eyed stranger and refrains. Jefferson is drop-dead gorgeous; his curly, dark hair contrasting beautifully against his pale skin.

"Thank you," Killian breathes and he notes the way Jefferson's eyes shoot to the floor immediately. "Killian Jones," he states with a movement that can only be described as a bow.

'Jefferson' is all Killian receives as a reply. He takes it as a sign to leave the poor devil alone, so he leaves Jefferson to fold his undershirts and returns to his own washing machine on the other side of the room.

* * *

Jefferson is in his own world, absorbed by his own thoughts as he methodically folds his laundry into department store-looking stacks. It isn't until he hears the clinking of change dropping into the drink machine that he glances up to see Killian Jones feeding a dollar bill into the machine. Jefferson completes /not/ saying anything but he really shouldn't let Killian get away with those shenanigans after bumming for change.

"Looks like you found the rest of your change," Jefferson says softly.

Killian doesn't miss a beat as he smirks at Jefferson over his shoulder. "Seems I have," he shrugs.

"You know-that was my last dollar seventy-five. I had another load to do."

Killian takes his Coke as it dispenses, pops the tab and spins around to lean against the vending machine. "Was it? Oh, I apologize. Would you like some?" he asks, gesturing to the red can.

Jefferson can't help but chuckle at the scammer, smiling just the slightest and shaking his head. "No, thank you."  
"Well, you've got to allow me to make it up to you. How about I buy you a drink?"

Jefferson stops to think Killian is wonderfully charming even if he did cheat him out of his last $1.75.

"It'll have to be a _real_ drink. Nothing out of a can," Jefferson insists. That statement alone should scare Killian away. Or, at least that's what Jefferson thinks. It shows Jefferson's high level of maintenance, but Killian never backs down from a challenge.

"Alight," Killian nods. "I'm assuming that you're local seeing as there's not another town in a forty mile radius. I'll meet you at the bar on Sixth Street."

"Ah," Jefferson shakes his head. "I prefer tea. The cafe on Broadway tomorrow evening? Eight o'clock?"

Killian doesn't show his disappointment as he purses his lips. He isn't really the cafe date type-or even the _date_ type-but Jefferson is exceptionally beautiful and he would like to get to know him.

"The cafe. Tomorrow. Eight o'clock," Killian confirms.

Jefferson bites the inside of his cheek as he nods. Upon moving here he himself no dating in this town. He can't do that to himself again. He can't fall completely in love with someone only to believe everything was fine, and then wake up to an empty house with not so much as a note. But maybe Killian Jokes will be different.

* * *

Jefferson expects Killian to be late but when he walks into the cafe at five till eight, Killian can be seen at the table in the corner. It's actually Jefferson's favorite table in the whole place because the corner is constructed out of two large windows with soft lights draped above them.

Killian is full of surprises, actually, and is dressed in a conservative black jacket when he stands to greet his date. Jefferson is thankful for the dim lighting because he may or may not be blushing.

"Jefferson," Killian smiles, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

A soft 'hi' is all Jefferson can manage because Killian Jones is definitely not what he expected.

They go to order their drinks-for Killian a black coffee and for Jefferson chai tea with milk and sugar-and return to sit at their cozy table. Killian insists on paying and Jefferson doesn't argue.

"So," Jefferson starts. "You've been here in town long?"

"Not too long, no. I'm looking for work at the moment."

"Have you found anything? What do you do?"

"I haven't. But I do anything," Killian shrugs. "And what about you? What do you do?"

"I work at the alterations shop."

"You sew?"

Jefferson nods a little. "My mom taught me. I saw a sign in the window right after I moved here. I've been here eight months now."

Their drinks come and the conversation dies down to a soft session of questions and answers, and Jefferson is relieved by Killian's ability to keep their topics light. Before they know it, it's ten o'clock and the cafe is closing. They make plans for a second date next Wednesday, and Jefferson can't wait.

* * *

Their first kiss happens without much preparation. Killian is walking Jefferson to his car after the second date. It's something about the way a stray curl falls onto Jefferson's forehead that gives Killian the final push. They're in the middle of the empty sidewalk when Killian spins Jefferson around by the wrist and presses their lips together. It's neither a rough kiss nor a soft one, but firm and confident and Jefferson makes a small sound of surprise in the back of his throat.

Killian doesn't pull back until he's completely satisfied and Jefferson looks away. He thinks it's too soon for a first kiss. But it feels good and feels right and he wants more. And he takes it. He grabs the back of Killian's neck and kisses him fiercely, pouring every negative thought and emotion into the kiss. He feels Killian's hands on his hips, fingers digging in and grabbing desperately at his silk shirt.

They're both breathing raggedly when the kiss breaks and Jefferson is ashamed of himself as he slips into the car. He doesn't tell Killian goodbye because he can't let himself get so wrapped up in someone else again.

* * *

They haven't talked in almost a week and Jefferson is in the back of the shop on a Tuesday when he hears the bell on the door jingle. He pushes through the black velvet curtains to step at the front desk, only to find Killian Jones standing there with a single rose.

Jefferson leans across the counter. "What are you doing here?"

Killian approaches him and shrugs, laying the rose on the glass.

"I dearly miss your beautiful face," he says somewhat seriously, but there's a playful undertone to his voice.

"I've been busy," Jefferson says, looking away.

"Have you?"

He nods and his fingers tap on the glass, unsure. Jefferson promises himself that he wouldn't do this. That he would get so wrapped up in a relationship like that again. Killian is great and everything, but maybe he's not what Jefferson needs right now. He definitely doesn't need the heartbreak that comes along with trusting people.

"I'm sorry if I came off as-"

"No," Jefferson breaks in softly. He doesn't exactly want Killian to think they can't see each other. Maybe they can't be serious; Jefferson isn't ready for that again. And he gets the impression that Killian wouldn't be great at a serious relationship, anyway. But maybe they can go on cute coffee dates and kiss because Killian is actually a fantastic kisser.

"I'm sorry," Jefferson continues. "I'm—work's just been crazy these past few days.

Killian nods, not entirely believing the man with the tape measure hanging around his neck. "So you'll be around then?"

"Yes," Jefferson nods, averting his eyes.

"So you wouldn't decline an offer to dinner?"

Jefferson raises his head and shakes it. He isn't really sure why he says this when he says it: "No. I'll even cook for you."

"You can cook?"

Jefferson's cheeks turn a soft red and he shrugs a little. "Sure. I can cook. How about tomorrow night?" he asks, scribbling his address on a piece of scrap paper and pushes it into Killian's hand.

Killian smiles and gives Jefferson a nod of his head, turning and walking out the shop door.

Jefferson frets for a while about what to cook for dinner. He waits so long that when he does decide what to cook the grocery store is closed. So he sips his cup of bedtime tea as he makes his list of ingredients for lasagna and a tossed salad.

* * *

The dinner date goes surprisingly well. Jefferson greets Killian at the door wearing a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt under a cozy sweater and he doesn't bother with shoes as thick socks cover his feet. Killian makes himself at home, kicking his shoes off as well before he joins Jefferson in the kitchen.

"What're you making?"

"Lasagna and a salad," Jefferson replies as he bends over to pull the lasagna from the oven. Killian's eyes are instantly on Jefferson's ass and Jefferson can practically feel them burning into him.

Jefferson tries his best not to smirk and fixes their plates, leading Killian over to the small breakfast table to sit. "Have you found a job yet?"

"Still looking," Killian replies and takes his salad, stabbing a fork into it. "I'm sure I'll find something."

"What kind of work are you looking for?"

"Something on a boat," he shrugs.

"Have you checked down at the harbor?" Jefferson asks, twirling his fork absently.

"No, I haven't." He makes note to do so.

* * *

Jefferson promises himself that this won't happen. He swears that he won't allow Killian Jones to take advantage of him. But the date ends with Jefferson on his back and Killian hovering over him. They're both sweaty and panting and Jefferson swallows hard as Killian pulls out. He rolls to the side and reaches for the pack of cigarettes and lighter that he doesn't often reach for. His hands are shaking as he lights it and takes a few deep drags.

Killian looks utterly satisfied and accomplished as he sits up. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Jefferson lies lightly but his unstable breathing gives him away. Killian knows that this action has comforted his lovers in the past so he scoots behind Jefferson and presses slow, sensual kisses to the crook of Jefferson's neck. The kisses only make Jefferson want more. He wants to pull Killian as close as he can get and fuck him until the sun comes up.

"Have I done something wrong?" Killian murmurs against the shell of his ear.

Jefferson wants to answer, 'I have' but instead he snuffs the cigarette out and pulls Killian in for a vicious kiss.

* * *

Jefferson isn't surprised to find Killian asleep in his bed when he wakes. He looks sort of adorable Jefferson thinks, with his flair fluffed in every direction against the white pillows. He has a while before work so he gets up to make them omelets and coffee.

It's almost an hour later when Killian greets Jefferson with a hug from behind and a kiss on the ear. "Morning."

"Hi," Jefferson bites back a smile. "There's coffee and I made you an omelet."

"Omelets?" Killian replies curiously. "What's an omelet?"

"You've never had an omelet before?" Jefferson asks incredulously as he fixes his guest a plate and a cup of black coffee. When he slides them onto the table, Killian decides that he could get accustomed to this routine.


	2. Chapter 2

Jefferson and Killian are at the point where they go to the laundry mat together. Sometimes they'll leave and go grab a bite at the diner and sometimes they'll sit in the corner and steal kisses when no one is looking. They've been seeing each other for almost two months now. Jefferson isn't really sure what they are qualifies as being boyfriends. They go out to eat and Killian sleeps over at Jefferson's house. Jefferson doesn't exactly know why they're always at Jefferson's house, but Jefferson is okay with it because he likes waking up to someone in bed with him.

The leaves are changing now and it's getting cooler outside. One evening Jefferson decides that he and Killian should go to the Miner's Day festival. Killian is a bit apprehensive but then Jefferson makes his doe eyes and Killian can't say no to them. They plan to go Saturday morning so Killian stays over on the Friday night before.

* * *

On Saturday morning Killian wakes to the sound of a cardinal outside the bedroom window. He's pressed comfortably against Jefferson's back, their bodies curled together under the thick comforter and Killian smiles. He feels warm, well-rested and enjoys the smell Jefferson's hair. He's never been the cuddling type but he does enjoy sleeping over with Jefferson and waking up next to him because there's something different about Jefferson.

Killian remains awake for another thirty minutes or so before he grows restless. He wants company and he wants breakfast. He figures waking his companion without proper cause would be just plain rude. So he slips beneath the blanket with a wicked grin on his face that he only wishes Jefferson could see.

Jefferson instantly stirs as a pair of lips drag slow, teasing kisses down his lower back and stop at the waistband of his pajama pants. He bites his lip to keep from moaning and acts as if he's still sound asleep.

Killian grumbles and hooks a finger in the elastic waist of Jefferson's sleep pants and pulls down slightly, dipping his tongue into the perfect crevice between Jefferson's ass.

"_Oh_," Jefferson groans into the pillow. And he's angry that he couldn't hold back for any longer than that because Killian stops to crawl up to the head of the bed.

"Oh. You're up. Good," Killian grins. "I would like breakfast before we get started to the festival."

Jefferson looks over his shoulder to glare at his lover, clearly not amused but doing his best not to grab Killian's face and pull him down for a kiss. "There's cereal in the kitchen," he replies flatly.

"But I don't want cereal. I want one of those omelet things you make."

"I'm not cooking on a Saturday," Jefferson whines.

"I'll make you a deal," Killian murmurs, pressing a kiss to Jefferson's shoulder blade. "You make me breakfast and I'll finish what I started."

"Deal," Jefferson answers quickly, drawing a chuckle out of his lover. "You first," he says, lifting up the blanket. Killian disappears beneath it, littering a trail of kisses down Jefferson's spine once more.

* * *

"I've found a job," Killian says.

Jefferson's eyes flicker up from the dress he's altering. "Oh? Where at?"

"Fishing boat. I'll be off shore Monday through Friday."

"Good. I'll finally be able to go to work in peace and not worry about you showing up to distract me." Jefferson says it with a straight face although he loves the days Killian spends in the shop with him. Those are his favorite days.

"You adore my presence."

"That I do," Jefferson admits softly, leaning up to kiss Killian on the cheek.

* * *

Killian is on the job for two weeks when he meets his boss' daughter. She's without a doubt the most beautiful things he's ever laid eyes on. Everything about her gives him chills all over. It's not like it is with Jefferson. With him it's a physical attraction. But he's certain he could never love Jefferson; he could never be in love _with _him. So as Killian Jones does, he sets out so claim his prize.

* * *

It's been eleven days since Jefferson has talked to Killian. He occupies himself thinking maybe he's done something wrong. But if he has Killian is the type to come forward and say so. Killian isn't one for those sorts of games. So Jefferson decides that after work he'll stop by Killian's cottage and see what the deal is.

* * *

Jefferson stands on the creaky wooden porch and hugs his rain coat tighter. He huddles up to the front door but even then the drops land and sting the skin on his cheeks. He's taken aback when a petite girl with loosely curled hair answers the door.

"Oh," she smiles awkwardly, pulling her robe closed. "Um-Killian?" she calls, closing the door without asking Jefferson what he wants.

"Who is it?" Killian asks, gently pushing the girl back to get to the door. He steps onto the porch, forcing Jefferson to step back into the rain. "Oh. Hello, darling."

"Who-who's that?" Jefferson asks quietly as if he's afraid to hear the answer. He stares down at his wet shoes, trying his best not to let Killian Jones see his disappointment.

"Her name's-"

"I don't care what her name is. What's she doing here?"

"Well, I never pegged you as being entirely clueless. What do you think she's doing here?"

"But we-we're..."

"We're not exclusive, Jefferson," Killian states as if he doesn't care at all about how Jefferson feels. And honestly, Killian should give him a break. It's obvious Jefferson's upset and the words are like bullets in his chest, but Killian can be an asshole sometimes ad he likes to say things as they are.

Jefferson wonders if this is the true Killian Jones. He wonders where the other guy went. The guy who would hug him from behind and surprise him at work. Clearly, he's away at the moment. Or maybe that Killian wasn't the real one. Jefferson doesn't say anything else. He turns around and silently walks back to his car, waiting until Killian is inside to let a silent tear fall.

* * *

Jefferson can't believe this is happening. He can't believe it's happening to _him_. It's been two weeks since he's talked to Killian the last time. It's been almost a month since they were at the inseparable stage. He's hoping that today will go better than the last time he decided to stop by Killian's cottage.

Jefferson is relieved when Killian answers the door. He seems better than he was the day Jefferson found him with the girl because he actually smiles a little when he sees the doe-eyed man at the door.

"Jefferson," he smiles.

"We need to talk."

Killian silently steps back with the door open and Jefferson steps inside. They go into the small sitting room and Jefferson hugs his coat around his body.

"I'm sorry about-"

"It's not about that," Jefferson cuts in. "I don't... I don't care about who you're fucking." It's a lie; they both know that. But Jefferson is still pissed off and he doesn't want Killian Jones to know how much it still hurts him.

"Alright," Killian nods.

Silence settles over them and Jefferson leans back in the cushions. He suddenly feels sick and he regrets being here but the sooner he says it the sooner he can leave. "I'm pregnant."

"O-_oh ._" Killian's mouth drops and he doesn't know what to say. He contemplates asking Jefferson if he's sure it's his but he knows Jefferson. Jefferson is an introvert and he highly doubts Jefferson has fucked anyone other than Killian since the last time they slept together.

Jefferson stands up and hugs his coat against his. "I have to go to work," he says hurriedly, walking to the front door.

"I'll-I'll call you later," Killian grumbles, still sitting in the couch with the shocked expression on his face.

Jefferson doubts he'll call.


	3. Chapter 3

Almost two months later things somewhat calm down. Killian and Jefferson talk and Killian tells Jefferson that he's stopped seeing _that girl_. That doesn't mean they're exclusive, though. That just means Jefferson is the only one Killian is fucking.

It's a Saturday and Killian is due to Jefferson's for lunch. He rings the doorbell right at noon and Jefferson is there to answer the door in pajama pants and an oversized shirt with a small smile. "Hi."

"Hey," Killian replies, stepping inside and giving Jefferson a quick peck on the lips.

"Sorry I look like this. I've been throwing up all morning," Jefferson grimaces.

"You look fine," he chuckles fondly.

"So lunch is whatever, make yourself anything," Jefferson mutters, plopping on the couch. "I don't feel like cooking."

"Grilled cheese?" he calls, heading into the kitchen.

"Ugh. Ew, no."

"It's the only thing I know how to make. Let me cook for you."

Jefferson sighs, pushing himself off the couch. He approaches Killian in the kitchen and wraps his arms around him from behind. "I miss you." What he means is he misses when Killian would stay over night after night.

Killian just hums indifferently. He misses Jefferson, too, but he doesn't know to what degree.

"Stay with me," Jefferson mutters, not letting go. "Please. We can raise the baby together."

"Jefferson," he sighs, playing with Jefferson's fingers and looking down. "I'm not the father type. That should be painfully obvious to you."

Jefferson kisses the back of Killian's neck softly, letting go. "Fine. I won't mention it again."

"I'd appreciate that."

"Will you help me name it?" Jefferson asks quietly. "Will you be at the hospital with me when-?"

Killian groans because he wishes Jefferson would just shut up about the stupid baby thing. It's as if Jefferson can hear his thoughts because he breaks in with, "It's just- I don't /have/ anyone else but you, Killian. You're the only person in town that I know."

"Go find someone else to talk to. Make some friends."

"It's not that I want someone to talk to. I want to have the baby and someone to experience it with."

Killian nods because he gets it. "I understand; I do. But I'm not that guy. You've got to understand that."

"No, it's-" Jefferson sighs, looking down. "I get how it works. I understand."

"It's nothing against you, love. I'm just not ready for that," Killian clarifies.

"I'll be fine on my own. I'm used to it."

* * *

Ten minutes later Killian and Jefferson are seated at the tiny kitchen table eating. After several bites of the disgusting excuse for food, Jefferson pushes his plate away, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

"What's wrong?" Killian asks.

"I've just been really sick," Jefferson explains quietly. "Hormones and everything, you know?" His nerves and this pathetic sandwich aren't helping matters, either.

He nods. "Oh."

Jefferson rests his head on the table, sighing. "I want it to be over like _now_."

"I know you do..." Killian murmurs, combing his fingers through Jefferson's curls.

"I guess all there is to do is just wait," he mutters, moving his head to kiss Killian's palm.

He smiles a little, gently scratching Jefferson's chin. "I guess you're right." Jefferson sits up after the wave of nausea passes. "How's your sandwich?"

"Great, love," he smiles, taking another bite.

Jefferson looks away immediately. "Don't call me that if you're not serious about me."

"Oh-um, alright. I'm sorry," he apologizes softly.

Jefferson bites his lip, looking away.

"I am. Sorry, I mean."

Jefferson doesn't really believe him.

* * *

After lunch they decide to go lay in Jefferson's bed. It's cold and rainy out and Jefferson just wants to cuddle. He curls into Killian's arms, pressing a soft kiss to his lips but Killian kisses back hungrily, winding an arm around Jefferson's hip and pulling their bodies flush together.

"Are we gonna do this right now?" Jefferson mutters.

"Do you want it?" Killian retorts.

He nods and pulls Killian closer, kissing down his neck. "You're sure?" Jefferson gasps quietly when rough hands squeeze his ass through his thin pants.

Killian nods and Jefferson murmurs, "That's how we got here in the first place."

"Well at least it can't happen again."

"What do you want?" Jefferson asks softly, pulling back and Killian pulls him right close again as he feels his desire growing. He needs to taste Jefferson, he needs to feel him, he needs to be inside of him.

"I want you to ride me," Killian grunts, mashing their mouths together. In response, Jefferson hums and breaks the kiss only long enough to pull of his t-shirt. He tugs at Killian's clothes with frantic hands, pulling and shoving until he's naked. Killian pushes Jefferson onto his back, grabbing the elastic waistband of his pants and pulling until they're completely off.

Jefferson gently pushes Killian off and flips them over, trailing kisses down Killian's chest, the soft hair tickling his nose as he does so. Killian knots his fingers in Jefferson's hair and pulls his head back, reaching for the bottle of lube in the night stand drawer.

"You're so impatient," Jefferson mutters, burying his fingers in Killian's hair.

"Mm, too desperate for your own good," he hums, pressing open mouthed kisses to Jefferson's neck and collarbone.

Jefferson dips his head back to give Killian better access and groans slightly at the feeling of scratchy facial hair on his smooth skin. "Are you still gonna want me when I'm fat and my belly is huge?" Jefferson murmurs.

"Of course I will, love," Killian purrs, sucking softly at the skin beneath his ear. Jefferson doesn't even bother to correct him this time.

* * *

"Fuck," Killian grunts, pushing Jefferson off to the side. Jefferson flops on the mattress tries to catch his breath, ignoring a sudden wave of nausea as best he can. But he doesn't last long. He has to rush to the bathroom, still naked and sheening with sweat, to throw up, and he really shouldn't be surprised when Killian doesn't come to check on him.

When Jefferson returns from the bathroom wrapped in his bath robe he _really_ shouldn't be surprised to see Killian pulling on his clothes.

"Are you alright?" Killian mutters, taking in Jefferson's disheveled appearance.

Jefferson begins to answer with a 'no' but he can't form the words. His mouth is too dry and so he just nods a little because nodding is easier than telling the truth while trying not to cry.

"I'll see you later, love," Killian announces, approaching Jefferson and giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek. Jefferson waits until his front door is closed to have his meltdown.

* * *

Killian waits to meet Jefferson at the shop Tuesday morning but the door is locked and there's a closed sign on the door. He waits around for almost a half hour before he sees Jefferson comes around from the back of the building.

"What-what are you doing here? You didn't tell me you were coming by."

"You didn't tell me you'd be a half hour late," Killian retorts, watching as Jefferson unlocks the shop and lets them in.

"I was at an appointment."

Killian's brow wrinkles but then he remembers because _oh_. He scrambles for a response in hopes that he hasn't waited too long to reply. "Everything's fine, I assume?" It's his way of asking how their baby is. He wants to know, but only for Jefferson's sake. He doesn't think Jefferson could handle it if something were to happen.

Jefferson feels like being difficult so he just shrugs.

"What do you mean?" Killian presses. "You're coming to work so I'm assuming-"

"Yes, everything is fine," Jefferson snaps, because he doesn't want to play any games today. His back hurts and he's had this damn headache for almost three days. "Will you please leave? I have a ton of work to catch up on."

"I thought I'd keep you company today."

"Killian, please," Jefferson whimpers, and the way his voice cracks when he says it nearly breaks Killian's heart. He can tell Jefferson is hurting and that makes him feel terrible. He wants to hug him, he wants to hold him, he wants to assure him that everything will be fine.

Killian sort of just stands there for a second and Jefferson doesn't know why he does it, but he emits a soft cry. The tears follow shortly after and Killian steps behind the counter to hold Jefferson because he doesn't like to see him this way. He hugs Jefferson and kisses his hair and promises that everything will be alright. Jefferson is too tired to argue.


End file.
